Superbowl XLVII

 

It’s a little known legend passed down from generations long ago.  On the 2^nd of February, if the groundhog sees his shadow, the Superb Owl rises from the groundhog hole and energizes the Raven.  During two weeks of anticipation, I expected some analysis and bantering regarding the teams involved.  Instead we revisited tripe about whether Ray Lewis really killed two people, whether he used velvet deer antler extract, and had to listen to Randy Moss claim that he is the best receiver of all time.

 

Before we go any farther, I am happy to visit the Chris Paul celebrity and pro event for charity which has now become an annual staple for those of us that do not care to watch the seven hours of pre game.  Chris Paul is not as good a bowler as he is a point guard, however I respect the fact that he has lent his name and energy to a worthy cause.  This year he has also acquired ownership of one of the PBA teams in the new league.  Of course I remember the Minneapolis Skippers of 1961 in the National Bowling League which only lasted a few months, so I will watch PBA league bowling with some doubts.  The winner of the celebrity event in Chris Paul’s tourney was none other than Quinton Aaron.  If you are not familiar with Quinton, he has appeared in a number of movies; but he is also employed by Brunswick as a mannequin for the tailor when they are sizing up shirts for drock.  Chris Barnes and Billy Hardwick’s son Chris took the Pro/Celeb portion, and it seemed everyone had a good time.

 

On to the Super Bowl.  This is probably the only sporting event of the year when people go to the toilet during the action so they don’t miss any of the commercials.  A few ads were released early on you tube, which is really disappointing to Super Bowl ad purists.  I did not see any that surpassed my all time favorites – The E*Trade Chimp doing a dance for 25 seconds with the caption “We just blew two million bucks, what are you doing with your money”.  The other is Betty White and Abe Vigoda playing touch football.  This year, as always, Budweiser was a huge sponsor, not only pushing Bud Light, but also a new Black Crown Label.  So belly up to the bar and holler “Here wego”.  Doritos spent a few million again, there must be big profits in corn chips.  I really don’t care who likes the cookie or the cream filling in Oreo cookies.  I get tired of seeing them in crossword puzzles, and I am not allowed to eat the cookie or the cream.  Go Daddy always has beautiful girls in their ads to sell their product.  This year they added a chubby looking nerd and a kissing scene that made me wish I would have skipped the ad and gone to the bathroom.

 

The Volkswagon ad with the Minnesota reference made no sense to me.  What accent was that guy trying to use to speak?  He sounded more like a German guy from Boston!  The Kia ads were equally over my head.  It’s these Madison Avenue types that are still wearing Zubas made from American flags to work that are trying to be funny but are more successful at just being stupid.

 

Hats off to the Dodge Ram folks for their depiction of the farmers of our country!  My great uncle Bill was a lifelong farmer in Siren, Wisconsin; and I have a cousin in law with a dairy farm in California.  Where would we be without farmers?

 

Although we only heard from one beer company this year, both Pepsi and Coke rolled a few ads our way.  Although I am a Pepsi drinker in real life, my nod for Super Bowl commercial of this year goes to the pink Coke bus cruising the desert.  Maybe I am partial to Las Vegas showgirls, or maybe the big bottle of Coke reminded me of the signature sign at AT&T Park in San Francisco, or maybe the bus just reminded me of all the “Love Pink” garments that the Texy Ladies wear on Friday nights, but Bud, “This Coke’s for you”.

 

The Giants won the Series in October, but the 49ers will have to settle for runner up.  It was an entertaining game, but Niners – your coach is a jerk.  Congratulations Ravens !      

Pack 'n' Brew

Back in the fifties, my family would frequently visit our cousins across the St. Croix in Hudson, Wisconsin. I remember those Sundays in the fall when my uncle’s eyes were glued to the black and white TV while Bart Starr and Paul Hornung took on their rivals in the fledgling NFL. Then in the sixties, we Minnesotans got a franchise and even though the purple team was a mere 30 miles from our nearby Wisconsin neighbors, the St. Croix defined the loyalty line. And each year, the Packers made a trip to Minneapolis to play our Vikings. They stayed at the Hopkins House and around midnight, they would order a few large pizzas delivered to their party room. I brought pizza to Paul Hornung, Max McGee, Ray Nitchske, and a few others who I didn’t recognize without a jersey number. Yes, they had a few libations, but no one was sloppy. I never saw Bart Starr or Vince Lombardi at the party. But I was pretty amazed at how those guys could party hearty on Saturday night, and then knock off our Vikings 12 hours later. But the size of the tip to the pizza guy made me a bit of a Packer fan, and the Vikings got even a few years later when the Purple People Eaters matched up against the Cheesy Pizza Eaters.
Much later in life, my district employment responsibility took me to Green Bay once or twice a year. The city of Green Bay is situated on the tip of the aptly named Green Bay, a large arm of Lake Michigan. If you get there, your first stop has to be the Prime Quarter restaurant on Oneida Avenue, about a mile west of Lambeau Field. There for about $18.00 - $25.00, you select your own cut of meat from the cooler, and cook it yourself over a large open pit barbeque. Of course treat yourself to salad and bread from the salad bar, and a potato from the steam table. By the way, the salad bar is not the only “bar” in the restaurant. If I lived in Green Bay, I think I would be broke, happy, and forty pounds heavier. But what a clever idea for a restaurant. Tell the customer to cook their own meal and they keep coming back for more.
But the citizens of Green Bay are fervent about their football team. Sure, they may have a passing interest in the Brewers and Bucks a hundred miles south, but the Packers are Green Bay’s only true local major league sport, and on those autumn Sundays when Lambeau is alive, the rest of the town is quiet as a golf course at 4:00 AM. You can here a pin drop. There are at least ten bowling centers in Green Bay, and many folks without a ticket can get a good seat near a big screen TV to take in the game and maybe here a pin drop.
Speaking of the Brewers, the Twins pretty much had their way with them since 2001, getting even with Bud Selig for suggesting contraction. But now the Brew Crew is on their way to post season, and they have the Twins whining about the unbalanced schedule that requires them to play the Brewers while the White Sox get to play the hapless Cubs. Personally, I think Milwaukee moving to the National League was very bad for the Twins. I enjoyed many games at the Met when the Brewers were in town and all the Wisconsin folks would cross the St. Croix to boo Cecil Cooper. But this year, Ryan Braun is my choice for NL MVP, and good luck to those Brewers in the playoffs. And for all Vikings fans, coaches, players, and cheerleaders: If you have learned one thing about this year’s Packers, Do not, under any circumstance, kick any kickoff or punt, anywhere near Randall Cobb.

Next Year

It’s been a brutal season for baseball fans in Minnesota, and my sympathies go out to those who spent thousands of dollars on season tickets, only to watch the Rochester Red Wings playing in Twins uniforms. Target field can be an attraction for only so long, and I think that era is over. (see: Metrodome - 1983). So the powers that be in the front office better devise a plan in a hurry to keep us from reliving the 90’s. Speaking of the front office, rumor has it that Andy McPhail will not be returning to the Orioles. Could be a decent replacement for Bill Smith. Andy brought us our first World Champion in 1987.
Next, we need to get rid of the 1961 era home uniforms. The Twins were about 70 - 90 in 1961, and our boys are closing in on those numbers again. Next, I think all the players can afford razor blades. As much as I H8 NY, You never see a Yankee looking like he’s standing in line at the soup kitchen.
We’re going to need some new players. First, we should trade our entire pitching staff plus a player to be named later, to Philadelphia for their pitchers. Next we could maybe trade Alexi Casilla to Atlanta for Dan (His name is) Uggla. Before we make the Phillie deal, we need to trade Matt Capps back to the Nationals for Wilson Ramos. It’s only fair, they did it to us last year. Then we need to trade Jim Hoey to Baltimore for J.J. Hardy. Again, turnabout is fair play, if the Orioles don’t like it, we could toss Nishioka in with the deal. We need to keep Mauer and Morneau. Not that they’ll be any better next year, but I have a slug of their baseball cards that I need to sell first. (I have Johan, Torii, and Delmon cards for sale - 12 for $1.00 if your interested.)
We need to talk with Trader Jack McKeon of the Marlins. Maybe we can trade Jason Repko or one of our Rene’s for Mike Stanton. The guy is 22 and has Pulholsian numbers! Speaking of Prince Albert, sign him for 8 years and put him to work. May as well go after Prince Fielder also. We’ll go with 5 first basemen next year, what the heck.
I hope you all enjoy the Labor day weekend. I never figured out why it’s called Labor Day, and then 90 per cent of the population get the day off work, but enjoy. A few bowling leagues have started, and most others will kick off soon. Here’s hoping you have a great season, and by the time you make it to the April rolloffs, our Twins will be organizing T-Shirts, fishing lures, and bobble heads to try to fill Target Field. And the earth will be making another trip around the sun.

Mount Bowlmore

Our neighboring state of South Dakota has a number of attractions suitable for a mini vacation that’s easier on the budget than Las Vegas or Reno, for example. Cruising along I-90 west of Sioux Falls, you can stop and see the Corn Palace in Mitchell. Keep going toward the spectacular views of the Missouri River at Chamberlain. Go north a ways to the state capital, Pierre and visit the historical underground museum, with artifacts only seen earlier in “Dances With Wolves”. Back on I-90, stop at Wall Drug for some free ice water, and if you’re on your Harley, it’s about that time of year for the annual gathering in Sturgis. Amazing how 50,000 motorcycles can turn a small South Dakota town into Woodstock.
But, just south of Rapid City lies a mountain that draws about 3 million tourists every year. Who would have thought to carve four U. S. President’s heads into the side of a mountain? The answer is Doane Robinson who came up with the idea to attract tourism. After running it by local and national government officials, including President Coolidge, a man named Gutzon Borglum was commissioned to design and carve the faces on a mountain in the Black Hills. Work was started in 1927 and over 400 workers spent time on the project. Mr. Borglum died in 1941, a few months before the project was deemed complete on October 31, 1941. It is now considered one of the seven man made wonders of the world, along with the Egyptian pyramids, the San Francisco cable car system, St. Louis Gateway to the West Arch, the Harley Davidson Knucklehead, Target Field, and the Virtual Gravity Nano.
But, back to South Dakota. If you turned left at Sioux Falls, you could find yourself in Yankton, home of the Yankton Bowl Family Fun Center, operated by my good friend Patricia and her husband Tony Benjamin.
I have never been to Yankton, myself, but I thought it might be a good idea to find a mountain around this fine bowling community and commission a guy with a chisel to carve “Mount Bowlmore”, sure to bring thousands of bowling tourists to stop on their way to Las Vegas, Reno, Deadwood, or Sturgis. I have decided on three of the four faces to be carved in the mountain site, Dick Weber, Earl Anthony, Walter Ray Williams Jr., (Wally the Bowlman). But I am having trouble coming up with a fourth. So please go to the mnbowling forum and cast your opinion so we can get this project started. Go ahead and have some fun with it.

The Day the Music Died

February 3, 2009 is the 50th year anniversary of the tragic incident in Mason City Iowa. Three young performers, who had contributed to the birth of Rock and Roll music went down in a Beechcraft Bonanza after playing to a sold out Groundhog day audience at the Surf Ballroom in Clear Lake. Buddy Holly was tired of the dilapitated bus used to tour the upper Midwest and had chartered the plane for his band. The seat originally reserved for bass player Waylon Jennings was given to the Big Bopper, J.P. Richardson who was suffering from a bad cold. I wrote about this on mnbowling on the morning of the 3rd. In the evening I proceeded to my league night at the Mermaid Lanes in Moundsview, MN.

The lanes seemed to hook a little more than usual. After starting with a double, I failed to trust my shot in frames three and four and left two big splits. Later I made the adjustment too much and left a 2-4-5-7-8 and chopped it for my third open of the game to finish with 170. The second game I locked in and my first six balls were in the pocket but produced only one strike, 3 ten pins, a shaker 7 and a stone 8. I don't know what changed, but I finished that game with six strikes, and proceeded to tack on 12 more in the third game for 300. A memorable date, now for two reasons.

Tie Breaker

Tiebreaker
‘Tis the season to be jolly. Deck the halls with holly and mistletoe, sing “Auld Lang Syne” to your old acquaintances, and roast chestnuts by the open fire while discussing the tiebreaker system for playoff positions in the NFL. ESPN and other sports networks can sometimes devote an hour show to the playoff possibilities. I wanted to explain the NFL system in this article, but it occurred to me that I have no idea what it is.
Recently in an MSC tournament, I was involved in a tiebreaker. Normally in the cashing positions, the prize money is divided equally among the competitors, however in the event that the tie involves the stepladder, tiebreaker rules take effect. I found myself tied with the benevolent Mr. Lindquist for the sixth position in the tournament, and since we had not had a head to head match that day, the second tiebreaker was based on scratch score before match play bonuses. Jim had the edge there so I happily accepted the 7th position. I always respect my elders. Besides, the next tiebreaker level in the Midwest Senior Classic was number of natural teeth in your mouth, and Jim would have had me there also. One of my colleagues suggested we strip down to our shorts, guzzle a beer, and race one lap around the parking lot of the bowling center. The temperature was about zero, and we Norwegians don’t normally indulge in those shenanigans unless it’s at least 10 below, so that was out.
But some other tie breaking possibilities came to mind for future situations:
Who can hold the most filets of lutefisk in one hand. Generally the guy with the longest fingernails would prevail with a total of one.
The best rendition of “New York, New York”, sung in the karaoke bar wearing a Packers number 4 jersey.
I found out this year you can actually break a tie that doesn’t exist by recounting all the votes, as long as there is a lot of arguing, bickering, and litigation to accompany the action.
You could also break a tie by guessing closest to the number of times Nick Punto pops up or bunts foul. It would probably take too long to determine the outcome, but it would at least be settled before the aforementioned recount thing.
Flipping a coin is a bit generic, but always popular. The problem there is in this economy, who has a coin?
But there is a moral to the story. For tournament directors and promoters, have a plan in place to keep everyone happy in case of a tie. It’s not something you want to decide after the tie occurs. And for tournament players, remember what your mother taught you years ago. Always wear clean underwear, in case you’re tied with a fellow Norwegian and a guy from Wisconsin is making the rules.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays !!

Foot in Mouth

I have to say I was not a big Delmon Young fan, but I think he could be a big asset to the Twins offense, meanwhile, Michael Cuddyer is a great person with a great arm, but has only proven that he gets hurt a lot, and sometimes hits better than Nick Punto. Carlos K-mez is in the same boat as Delmon, potential, but not instant stardom. For Gardy to pick his outfield at the end of November is unbelievable, something only an okie would do. What a terrible thing to do to a team. I don't care what you think, Gardy, but you go to the media and tell them that you have great outfielders, you know only three can play at a time, and it's a nice problem to have, blah, blah, blah. Crap, didn't you ever see "Bull Durham"? And where does Jason Kubel fit. Look at the scorebook. Kubel's defense is so so, but even with limited playing time, he was number two on the Twins home run list last year. Don't you think he's earned a few more at bats? Geez