Recently at one of my bowling leagues, the subject of Baby Boomers came up, and one of my teammates claimed Boomership, having been born in 1965!! These “wannabe-me too-come lately” attitudes border on fraud, so it behooves me to set forth standards of Baby Boomerdom. If you cannot remember, you are probably too old to be a baby boomer.
If you remember exactly what you were doing when you heard John Kennedy had been shot, you might be a baby boomer.
If the first game you ever bowled was when the pins were set by a guy with a Brylcreem ducktail, and wearing a dirty t-shirt with one sleeve rolled up over a pack of cigarettes, you might be a baby boomer.
If you were ever at a Minneapolis Millers vs. St. Paul Saints baseball game, you might be a baby boomer.
If you are counting the days until you can draw social security, rather than years, you might be a baby boomer.
If you were ever at a Minneapolis Millers vs. St. Paul Saints hockey game, you might be a baby boomer.
If you ever kept score in open bowling with a big sheet of paper and a jumbo pencil with rounded lead, you might be a baby boomer.
If you watched Butch Levy wrestle Vern Gagne for the heavyweight Championship of the world, you might be a baby boomer.
If you kept the TV on after the match to watch “Championship Bowling” from the West 7th Street Rec, you might be a baby boomer.
If your first grade class was in a janitor’s room, cafeteria, church basement, or somewhere other than a classroom, you might be a baby boomer.
If you ever saw the Minneapolis Lakers play at the Minneapolis Auditorium, you might be a baby boomer.
If “Sputnik” was the first Russian word you learned, you might be a baby boomer.
If you watched the Gophers play Washington in the Rose Bowl, you might be a baby boomer.
If you turned on your black and white TV, and had a choice between Channel 4 and Channel 5, you might be a baby boomer.
If you bowled your first game with a house ball, and you had a choice of black, black, or black with speckles, you might be a baby boomer.
If you went to the penny arcade at the State Fair, and you could actually get something for a penny, you might be a baby boomer.
Part II
If you think the Minneapolis Skippers had something to do with the Aquatennial you are NOT a baby boomer.
If you thought the Beatles’ first album was “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”, you are not a baby boomer.
If your first car did not have fins, you are not a baby boomer.
If your first date, after securing your first car, was not a drive-in movie, you are not a baby boomer.
If the coin left under your pillow by the tooth fairy was not 90% silver, you are not a baby boomer.
If the tooth fairy left you folding money, you are definitely not a baby boomer.
If you did not qualify as a boomer, don’t feel bad. Go out and get a Jeff Foxworthy CD. You might be a redneck.
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